Dilapidate!

After a mere 15 minutes or so of trying to fall asleep, I have given up.

Just for a second though.  My mind is being too awake, so I don’t really know what else to do.  I was going to crawl out of my bed, turn on my light, and write some things in my journal but my computer was closer.

Nothing that new is going through my head.  These thoughts and mental complaints all just feels like repeats to me, which is perhaps even more frustrating.  I still think about writing William a letter now and again, but I’m stopped with the fact that I’m not even sure what I would write down for him to read.  That, and I’m not sure what his address is.  So much worry, so much worry..

I miss hanging out with Avery before she started smoking so much weed.  

Things are frustrating and confusing.  The fact that I seem to always want to hold someone does not help.  I feel like I’m scared of relationships now… but I’m sure I’ll get over it.  It’s just scary to love, and even scarier to show that I can and do love with actions or gestures.  

So vulnerable.  Sooo vulnerable.  Everyone always seems vulnerable.